If you haven’t noticed from some of my posts (derp) I am an atheist. I have usually been proud of that fact and I stay connected to the atheist community. I have a lot of friends who are atheist and i know I have always had their support. 

I remember “coming out” to my older brother. I think I was still a freshman in high school. I had always had my suspicions that he was an atheist, but I wasn’t exactly sure. We were driving in the car one day and I asked him if he was an atheist. He denied it, I could tell he was lying though, so I went ahead and started talking about how I didn’t really believe in that anymore and I was watching all these atheist bloggers on youtube. He finally leveled with me  and we became really close after that. It was so amazing having that support so close to home. 

It hasn’t always been so easy though. I don’t know how many people realize this, but coming out as an atheist is really the same as coming out as being gay. You lose friends, people tell you that you are going to hell, they tell you that you are wrong or confused. I lost a few friends when I made it public on facebook and a few when  I told them. I’ve been treated poorly and people instantly try and take me on. I am not a science professor or a debator, but they instantly take my thoughts on god as a challenge to an argument. That’s not who I am.

I became  public on facebook and even ordered myself one of those little lapel pins that Richard Dawkins puts out and wore it almost everyday. 

(http://store.richarddawkins.net/products/1-a-lapel-pin)

Before I started college I got a little nervous. It is a small christian private school, but I still really wanted to go there.  I thought, hell, I’m going on scholarship, I might want to keep it on the DL. I did for almost the whole year, I might have told a few people but I kept it a good secret. Then one night we hosted a diversity forum where students from different believes, races, and sexual orientation talk on topics and answer questions. One of the speakers was an agnostic (close enough).  I wore my pin to the meeting. I got a few questions about it and of course I got that panicked feeling when I told them, but my reception went really well in general. 

Well, I was still not “out” on facebook again because I was still scared about how people would react. I wasn’t sure about my boyfriend. I love him and he loves me, but I couldn’t remember if he knew I was an atheist or not. I finally worked up the courage to tell him my second year of college and he was fine with it. But I still keep it private because I am scared about what his parents will think. I don’t want them to tell him to break up with me. 

And of course, there is my own mother. She is no longer associated with any church, but she used to be a Seventh Day Adventist and she still believes in Jesus and a god. I know the coming out horror stories, I’ve read them and seen them, not everyone is excepted right away. I love my mother, she is one of my best friends, but it tears me up inside that around her I am living a lie. She has asked me a few times if I was still a Christian and I broke and told her I was just to make her happy. But my older brother has come out and I’m so so so fucking tired of stressing about her finding out. 

I started using atheist nexus and I have been attending local meetings hosted by an atheist meetup group. I have never been more active as an atheist, but I have never felt more secretive about it. 

So I decided. I’m tired of lying and dodging questions. This summer I’m going to come out to my mother, and then come out publicly on facebook again. I can’t deal with the secrecy anymore. I haven’t decided when, but i do know it will be soon so I can give her more time to come to terms with it before I go back to school again. 

I just wanted to write about all of this, I never have before. To all of you who have ever come out to a family member, wish me luck. 

-A. M. Nystrom

AND this is why I love summer. 

This kid is now this kid. 

Mind = Blown

Thanks Bree.

http://howtobebreefordummies.tumblr.com/